I don't write much these days about how I feel. It feel futile, writing things down in a frenzy. I'm not 19 anymore. I'm more seasoned now. I know now what I feel at this moment will not last. I betray myself with my  coping mechanisms. But there's not much option anyway. I can't allow the floodgates to open, again.

I'm baffled at the insensitivity. I'm baffled at how only I am expected to understand. I'm baffled at how I am expected to let insensitivity be, that that's how it should be. It's been 2 years and I haven't yet been understood. I've tempered down, a part of me has realised the futility of vocalising. I think I naturally bypass certain things now. This wasn't how I wanted to be- but anything for peace, right? Silence for peace, because digging dirt out will always mean war. Let's just be pretty and happy. That's how it SHOULD be, after all.